Hello!
I am a Christian medical student recovering from severe depression. This blog is my way of setting down my thoughts, and focussing on what God is teaching me as a result of my illness. My aim is to learn how to better manage my depression and either keep it at bay, or learn to recognise when it’s coming back.
I chose the title of this blog as psalm 46 is one of my favourites and the verse ‘Be still and know that I am God‘ is something I am trying to understand and learn. I’ve not read the entire Bible yet but have learnt a lot from what I have read so far. There have been some embarrassing mishaps along the way which no doubt will be written about at some point – a good example being when I thought the ark of the covenant (which was a very small box) was the same as Noah’s ark (which was a very big boat) and got very confused as to how exactly the Israelites could manage to keep losing it in the desert as quite frankly, that boat would have been pretty hard to miss…….cue a red face.
Things I like: singing and playing clarinet and sax, coffee, baking, good books, being busy, learning to serve my community, working with people with LD, new projects, the outdoors, working out what it means to be a good doctor, asking questions, being on committees, Jeremiah and Hebrews.
Things I am not very good at: being still, saying no, being dedicated to reading my Bible every day (though I’m trying), letting sleeping dogs lie, sleeping in general, ironing.
Things I might write about:
- I’m in counselling at the moment for depression and it’s not exactly a barrel of laughs…
- I run a student charity which sends volunteers to visit lonely, elderly hospital patients and I absolutely love it. We’re currently trying to get a library together for one of the more deprived hospitals – sounds boring, but it will hopefully make a difference for the patients!
- My experiences of church, which can be hard when I’m low.
- When I grow up, I want to be a paediatrician, or a geriatrician and definitely NOT a surgeon.
- Best medical experience to date: delivering my first baby! Miracles in action…
Just to point out – everything here is my own opinion, and not affiliated with anyone else etc. I’m still learning – so if I write something that isn’t quite Biblically or theologically accurate, please bear that in mind (and let me know!). I didn’t grow up in church or a Christian family so my background knowledge is a bit patchy at times.
Sometimes, people stumble on this blog when they’ve typed things into google like ‘how to help someone with depression’ or ‘Christians with depression’ or something similar – if this is you, I hope my little blog helps, and that you get the help you need too, from wherever you need it – you’re not alone. You’re never alone.
Comments are always welcome as long as they are constructive, interesting and not offensive!
lots of love, Char48
Love that ark story: brilliant!
I wouldn’t worry about being biblically or theologically correct/accurate. Well I don’t, anyway.
Strength and courage to you, with love 🙂
Hi,
I read a couple of your posts, and your story and like what I see. You have a very great way of putting it out there, liked the Jeremiah story. Agree with Phil above, I write a lot also, and I do my best to be accurate, but when you write about your love for the Lord, or how you were encouraged through a trial, what does theology matter.
I look forward to reading much more of your posts in the future. God Bless
Jim Travis
Hi Blesseddad,
thank you for your lovely comment! I’ve had a look at your blog and certainly will do so in the future. Feeling very enthused by comments at the moment (so will be commenting more regularly myself!). blessings, char48
Hi Char48,
First of all, you are a very gifted writer, with great eloquence. This is very rare, so I am picturing you as being very intellectual, among other things, and capable of participating in various topics and themes with great ease. Your writing reminded me of a book “Weekends at Bellevue”, by Julie Holland, M.D. She is a Psychiatrist and wrote about her personal experiences with work, her patients, coworkers, and so on. To me, her book was very insightful into Mental Health care from a doctor’s perspective. She is funny and wrote her book in terms a layman could understand, as supposed to targeting the medical community. I hope you get a chance to read it. I could be an inspiration to write a book in a not too distant future. Let me be the first one to congratulate you!
Secondly, regarding your depression, I want to offer some advice, but I must first need to give you some background about myself, so you know where I am coming from. In May I am going to be 49-yrs old. I am currently mentally disabled, suffering from a variety of illnesses: Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Bipolar II, PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, phobias just to name a few.
It started with depression just as I hit puberty. I have attempted suicide about a dozen times. I begun medication when I was about 30 yrs old. I have tried just about anything in the market with different combinations, but haven’t found the ‘magic’ pill yet. It mostly had to do with how my body reacts to the side effects, for there were some medications I was doing great… until the side effects almost put me in the hospital. For now, I keep taking Trazadone, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Concerta.
Some of the things I did wrong were seeing my GP, instead of a Psychiatrist. I refused therapy, because I made myself believe that I could it on my own, as long as I kept my Christian faith (Catholic), prayed every day, went to church for counseling from time to time, went to service several times a week, and so on.
Another big mistake was to crammed my life with things to do. Every hour of my day was accounted for with many tasks. I volunteered at the school every single day (my kids where in elementary school), at church a few times a week, at the library, at food pantries. I participated in two weekly bible study, as well as being room-mother for my kids classes, and heavily participated in PTA, crossing guard morning and afternoon, and went to the YMCA for 2 hours every day. I even found time to take classes at the community college. All these on top of being a wife and a mother. Also one of my children is Asperger Autistic, and there was a lot of work to be done about that 18 yrs ago, because there were no support groups, very little information on the subject, whether via internet or any books on the shelves, and the school had him classified as Mentally Disturbed. I knew they were wrong, and I had to fight the school system for several years before they agreed with me.
And I did all these while trying to cope with the daily severed depression.
All that volunteering, participating, super-mom, super-wife and so on, I had created as a coping mechanism to avoid the reality that I needed to be addressing my mental health problems with a qualified psychiatrist and therapist.
I thought that as long as I kept on praying, had faith, did good deeds, and so on, my depression will simply stabilized itself when God decided it was the right time.
As you can see I have more than 30 yrs of experience in the subject, and that is why I believe I can provide you with some advice.
First, slow down. After reading all your posts, it looks like you are trying to keep very busy, so as not to think too much about the “why” and the “how” of your depression. Everybody feels embarrassed about having depression.
Secondly, if you haven’t yet, find a very good psychiatrist. Only him/her can help you find the right medication for your symptoms, and they are many meds to choose from. They can be a valuable help for your studies.
And lastly and most importantly, find a certified therapist who specializes in depression or mood-disorders, and meet with that person at least once a week. Yes, talking about it is scary and frustrating. But soon you will develop a rapport and talking will get much easier. It will become like a snowball rolling downhill.
Remember, the psychiatrist can help treating the symptoms, but the therapist is the one that can help you overcome the depression, and find once again stability in your life.
I hope you find this helpful. Good luck!. 🙂
hello there, thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply, it’s wonderful to have input from someone so much further down the line than I am. I’m sorry to read that you have had such a tough time for so long, but am also so glad that you’ve started to find solutions – you’re very inspirational. I’ve spent a lot of summers working as a counsellor at camps for children and teens with ASD’s so can imagine things have been difficult as raising any children, let alone one with additional needs, is a tall order (from the perspective of a 23 year old anyway!). I don’t know if camp is an option for your son, but it’s a good way to give parents a break too
I am due to be seeing a psychiatrist soon, but have put it off for quite a while as it will be one of the doctors on the team I was shadowing for six weeks as a medical student in September – coming to terms with seeing him on the other side of the doctor-patient divide has taken some time for someone as headstrong as I am. I’m also in counselling, through my church, and although it’s very difficult, I think I’m getting somewhere, or at least, not just sliding downwards. I was reluctant to go back after having what I recognise more and more as a significantly damaging stint in therapy three years ago, so the fact that this one isn’t completely scaring me off or breaking me down is a good thing.
You’re right in evaluating me as a busy bee (hence calling this blog learning to be still – I think this might take a while if not a lifetime)- though I am learning to take a step back, and certainly in the last few months have stopped doing a lot of things and prioritised activities that will cheer me up and not cause too much stress (I’m the only student in the history of my university to found three successful student societies – whilst some call this productivity, most call it stark raving madness…).
I’ve not read Weekends at Bellevue, but I do love Samuel Shem’s books (I’m not sure you can be a medic and not empathise a lot with the House of God) and a book I’ve found useful recently is ‘He and I’ by Gabriel Bossis – probably my top recommendation for any Christian, whether they are depressed or not.
thank you again, and best wishes,
Char48
Char,
Thank you for visiting my blog recently. I’ve stopped by yours today and find that maybe we are kindred souls in a sense. (If you do not wish to be “kindred spirits” with someone with a serious mental illness you may edit that to say, “You remind me of myself during my college years.”)
I love to write and it seems we share that, I always enjoy finding someone who is not afraid to make people wade though pages of thought. I do that myself, mostly because it takes me that long to arrive at any kind of a conclusion or at least a sense of having emptied myself of the need to purge myself of emotion or untangle a knot of thought.
I will be back to read more and hope you will stop by my blog as well.
Also, I have another blog at http://www.cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com
and another one at:
http://www.cvmusing.blogspot.com
(and yes, I have not much else to do besides littering the net with my thoughts.)
Blessings.
cv
Hi CV,
thanks for stopping by, the bit about ‘making people wade through pages’ made me laugh – somehow my posts just go on and on! I’m aways surprised that people seem to keep stopping by regardless…..I’ll check your blogs out, looking forward to it, xxchar48
Char, the student charity that you are involved in sounds like a wonderful experience. I have been wanting to get involved in something just like that. Let me tell you that you are living the Kingdom of Heaven by working for needy people. You are helping Jesus Himself. I also like this Psalm, “Be still …” because it reminds me of how much I try to do without the help of the One who can really do Everything. Also like the verse Matthew 11:28, that says “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”. God bless.
thank you Noel, that’s such a lovely thing to say, looking forward to reading more of your blog, xxchar48
Thank you for leaving a comment on my site. I want to spend some time reading through yours. God bless you!
I love the verse of scripture…. “Be Still and know that I am God.” So often the world does not want or let us be still. Depression is extremely hard, but I found always that leaning on the Lord was the best help for me, as I am sure you have as well.
[…] Learning to be Still by Char : https://learningtobestill.wordpress.com/home/ […]
Hi Char, it’s refreshing to meet someone who is open enough to share mistakes and shortcomings. I write about life and a practical view of God under the pen name “Winsome” at winsome.hubpages.com
I would love to have you stop by and tell me what you think. I know you don’t have extra time, but since you have trouble sleeping, maybe a few minutes will open up. =:)
Hi Winsome, thanks for stopping by and leaving such lovely comments – I couldn’t work out how to comment on your page, but it looks brilliant and I’ll certainly try to visit again! best wishes, and blessings, char.
Hello there! This post couldn’t be written much better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I’ll send this
article to him. Pretty sure he’s going to have a very good read. I appreciate you for sharing!